Being young, queer, and navigating life at a transitional time

Archive for June, 2011

Finding Shaina and giving myself permission to be happy

It’s so funny how life changes so quickly whether you’re ready for it to or not.  JR has been gone two weeks and my life is nothing like what I thought it would be.  I didn’t realize how much of myself I was missing but that’s a topic for a future blog entry 🙂

I spent the weekend being spoiled by two of the greatest women I know. My friend, M from Albany, came down to spend the weekend with me. She’s so amazing.  She came Friday night, she took me out to dinner and shopping and we partied (where we had a dreaded run-in with the ex-wife which was interesting but, again, a future blog topic).  She met the potential “next”, Anita, and gave her blessings for us to move forward.  She thinks Anita is everything she always thought I deserved but that I never had.  On that note, M left early Saturday afternoon so that Anita and I could spend some quality time together.  We had the most amazing weekend.  We drove all over the city, she took me to eat, we went grocery shopping — just genuinely enjoying our time together.  She left a little while ago to review some readings she has to complete for a seminar she’s taking for the next weeks. I’m still swooning. That’s a developing story.  I’ll keep you posted.

I’m so happy with myself, my life, my work, my family, my friends, everything and I’m not sorry for that.  I realized that I was compromising that for a very long time.  I absolutely will not do that again.  I have a lot to write on this topic so it will likely be continued in a follow up entry.

I’m so ready for this week.  I feel at peace and so relaxed.  I hope you all have a wonderful week as well.

Love.

Update

Phew!!! What a crazy few months but I am BACK!  Me and JR are on a break/break up.  I don’t really want to tell the reasons why but the moral of the story is I’M SINGLE!  Being single, at first, felt like I was going to die.  I was so used to being half of a couple and caring for JR because she had needs and I genuinely loved being around her.  As the days go on and I get into my own routine, I love it more and more.  It’s so fulfilling to be on my own schedule, doing my own thing, and loving myself.  I cried it out for the first few days but then I started being grateful for all of the things in my life that I still have. Life is so beautiful.  Work is going well. I have such a fantastic family. I have a lot to offer this world because my light shines so bright.  Women have been coming out of the woodwork wanting to share space and build with me and although I’m not ready for all of that, I am grateful for the fact that I’m not irreparably damaged by the actions of others/that people can still appreciate what I have to offer and can be happy with nothing more than sharing space with me.  

My week is shaping up nicely.  I’ve been to a barbeque with friends, been taken out to dinner at an incredible restaurant, been to yoga, and had a movie night with myself (and some GOOD pinot grigio). Plans for the rest of the week include having a girls night out, hair appointment, mani/pedi appointment, brunch at my favorite spot and the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met.  I’m so excited. Getting to know myself again is completely fulfilling. I’m happy with who I am and have set goals that I plan on accomplishing.  Whether or not I share this life with someone else is irrelevant.  I’ve come to terms with the fact that the list of characteristics that I want in my next partner, I may not find but I refuse to settle. I will wait until SHE comes along.  Otherwise, me and Lucky (my cat) will live our life to the fullest.  I rather that than to live a life full of regrets.

Love.